The Power of Your Voice for Health & Happiness with Irene Lyon and KC Baker

The Power of Your Voice for Health & Happiness with Irene Lyon and KC Baker


(happy music) – [Voiceover] Hello there, hello. – Hi, Irene! – Hi, KC. – How are things? – I am so excited to have
you on Skype with me today. For those of you watching,
this lovely woman that you’re looking at is KC Baker, and I met her two years ago. – I think it was two years ago. – Two years ago. – Yeah. – At an event in New York City. It was a very crowded
room and I spotted her far, far away, but I knew
I had to talk to her, ’cause there was something, there was something about your spunk and your vibe and there were
a lot of people in that room, at Marie’s event, right? But you were one of the
few people that I actually knew I had to go and just say hi, and make contact, so, I don’t know if I ever
told you that, but — – Lucky or not, I remember meeting you, and I remember that event, there was a lot of (inaudible), they were packed. – Yep, lots of people. So, we met and I actually
have worked with KC, so she’s been one of my mentors in helping me create my signature talk, what I need to say, how I need
to say what I need to say, because those of you
watching know my work. It’s very complex, it’s very intricate, there’s a lot of detail
and she brilliantly helped me condense it
into the important pieces that really needed to be portrayed, so, thank you for that. – Its been an honor and
I have learned so much. – Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm. The reason I wanted to bring KC on, is because she is an
expert at teaching people how to unleash their voices. One of the main things
I see in my practice, in my private practice
when I work with people who are coming in with
various health problems and KC, you and I have talked
about this a little bit, is a lot of their troubles are around not being able to speak up for themselves. Not being able to say
what they need to say and what’s interesting, is that often, this starts really young. And although they might be
having trouble in a relationship and current adult life, if we go back, when was the first time
you couldn’t speak up? They remember being at the kitchen table and wanting to tell mom about something or getting excited and
wanting to scream and sing and shout and they are told not to. So this is why I wanted to talk
with you about this subject and find out, you know, how what you do right now. So for those of us watching, what are you, what’s your job? What’s your job title? – What’s my job title? – Yeah. – Well, my title I would say, is I’m a women’s thought leadership and public speaking trainer. – Got it. – And, I’m also a speech writer, so I work with conscious women who are on a mission and
crafting their messages and finding the internal
freedom to get out there and share it. And also learning how
to share their message in such a way that they can become known for their message. – Right, that’s awesome. But one little side piece, do you ever work with men? Because there’s probably
some men watching this. – I do, I don’t, I don’t I’ve tried it, it’s very rare and it’s
on a favor kind of basis, because my work is so rooted in my passion and commitment to supporting the rise of women’s leadership and
the rise of feminine wisdom. These things I believe in
very much but I absolutely do I prefer women. Like, one man that I
worked became my husband, David, he’s an amazing speaker, that has been really
getting out there to speak on some very new material. He’s in heats in the tech
world and Silla Valley, and has some very innovative thoughts around employee engagement. And in the business
arena and what it takes to have authentic
engagement within the team. And, so, I’ve helped him
with practicing his talks and then through him there
have been other people I’ve helped with their
pitches for investors and that kind of thing. For people who just
know me and occasionally through them I have bandwidth. – Got it. – But you know, and it’s fun, and I love the program. – Keeps you sharp, probably. – It does, it’s different, it’s different, you know, it’s just a
different, it’s a different vibe for me, it is a little different
than working with women, but it’s fun, it’s, yeah, yeah. – So, I’m curious,
well, I know your story, a lot of it, but I would
love for you to share with those watching how, how did you get into this, ’cause you weren’t always doing this work. – No, I wasn’t. – So how, what’s the, what is the overview
story of how you got to be sitting here today with me talking about helping people find
their voice to speak up and write speeches. – Well, the overview story is that I actually grew up in
a public speaking home. So, my father is a phenomenal, I would call him almost more an orator, than just a speaker, I mean he is, just, just he would be a powerful person, and growing up we had, one of
the things we would do for fun is he would give me things to work on and I would write talks about them. And then I would practice speaking and I would go off and run
for different campaigns through middle school and high school and these kinds of things
and he would work with me on my talks. – Okay. – And so, I got a lot of training there, and then my mother was very
active in toast masters, and I remember her learning how to tell more humorous talks and her practicing things so it was, it was, I got a
lot of early exposure to that. – It was in your blood, it sounds like. – It’s been in my blood, and
my grandfather was a preacher. – Ah. Ah I didn’t know that. – This is definitely, you know, I have a family of communicators. Passionate communicators. And, so that is partly my background, but you know, I actually didn’t really do anything with quote, unquote speaking
or anything leadership oriented after I left college. I was actually pretty lost for a while. I went into investment banking and that was a big, very
necessary wrong turn wake up, what wrong turn wake up call for me. And I ended up traveling for four years, I left everything and traveled and went through a major
period of spiritual inquiry and growth and became
more in tune with like who I, what is my authentic voice, right? Just this intellectual dribble drabble that I learned to spin off in college. But what is my authentic voice and I really began to
become very attuned to that, and I ended up, actually I studied up, I studied tantric yoga
and meditation I went off to become a tantric yoga
and meditation instructor. It was a big part of my
life and actually a lot of the energy practices
that I’ve learned from that inform a lot of my
public speaking training. But I, in addition to
that, I did end up becoming a spoken word artist, so, spoken word, people who
don’t know what that is, it’s a form of spoken poetry. A lot of cadence and
personality and passionate, and there’s like spoken
word jams you search online and they’re very inspiring. – I’ve seen some, they’re incredible. – They’re incredible, they’re incredible, and I actually had spoken word art that was very much fueled
about my passion for nature and my understanding and
the scene that I had, but how important it
is, for we as a species, as we evolve to live, much more at harmony with our world and samely
how important it is for women to come forth, in their ideas, in their creativity, in their wisdom, if we’re
gonna address some of the major problems of our time. – Yes. – And, my spoken word art was about that, and it was a big call to action, I actually ended up having
a bit of a following around my spoken word art, and I had women start to come to me be like, great can you help me? I was like, uh, yeah. ‘Cause I lived it so deeply, right. I had lived feeling held
back in my own voice so deeply and found a lot of freedom, and continue to, I mean,
every day in my life. I teach most, but I’m
learning all the time. So that was, that was amazing, and it just, it was so effective
to work on the students, then when they went on
to tell other women. And then I started working with a woman on crafting her talk, for a fundraiser she was gonna put on. Crafting it and then
exploring her delivery of it. And that went so amazingly well. I had a lot of people come and ask me, “Hey, can you help me?” And, you know, I didn’t have a website for almost the first year of my work. It was all referrals, it
was all totally organic, and then I started Ted and TedX speakers, ’cause they lived in, I
lived in San Fransisco, and was very, you know, kind of part of that world. There’s a big, tight community there, and that actually took
things to a different level. – Yeah, it was the platform. – There’s a platform, and so, it all grew very organically
and that was in 2011, and its been three years now, and it’s beautiful work, I do things, I have a live event that I put on. I didn’t put on this last
year ’cause I had a baby, but, I have a little school, it’s called The School for
the Well Spoken Woman Live, and I work with women
in writing their talks and then getting up there to give them in front of an audience of all women and it’s a big party. So I do that, it’s one
of my live performance. I have virtual training courses for people around writing talks or
even just getting clear on what you stand for, and writing a manifesto, getting out there and sharing it, planning speaking engagements, the whole, the whole trajectory. – Very cool. – So that’s what I do. – That’s awesome and it’s, it almost, I know it’s a very therapeutic process, this work of crafting what you need to say and, right, it seems like some, it’s like people think oh,
I’ve gotta write a speech or craft a speech and they
think back to high school, where they’re having to write an essay and it’s tedious and, but
the work I’ve done with you is very therapeutic, it was very deep, it was very spiritual, because you’re having to dig up really core pieces from yourself in order to connect with others in what you want to talk about. So it’s, it is very deep, so it’s, yeah. – It is, it’s very deep,
transformative work, I mean when you think about it, I get a lot of women that come to me have been extremely succesful in various capacities in a working career but the one thing that
sits as a piece of unrest for them in their soul, is, what is the message I
have to give to the world, I really want to speak about
what I care about so deeply, there’s a longing and I
think a lot of people, I don’t think everybody has this, I think for those who
do, it’s very strong, that, well, I don’t want to say this, I do believe that every
soul, every person’s soul has a longing to express itself, in some way, shape, or form
that is a gift to others or that is an inspiring
way in which they want to impact the world in some way. – Yeah. – That, and for many people
just doing spoken word, some of it is through music,
some it is through dance or art or whatever it is. But the speaking of these
things, (stammering) the actual giving of this
is not only what makes for a fulfilled life but also it contributes to a healthy life. Because if these instincts are ignored, or pushed down, that energy is still inside of us, the energy, that
inspiration is still there, but it’s gonna manifest in some way, sometimes it will manifest in disease, discomfort, unhappiness, depression — – All that stuff, all that health stuff, and that’s a great segway into, you know, this capacity for us to actually know what our impulses are and to tune into them
and to learn from them and then how to express
them and I’d love to know was there a time and point in your life when you were suffering from
any types of health problems that might have been a
result of not speaking or speaking up? – Yes, I actually went through
a really intense period in my mid 20’s and very early 30’s. I had a very intense case of cystic acne. It (stammering) it was disfiguring. – Wow. – It was disfiguring, it
was completely covered my whole face. – Ouch. – Not only it’s painful, and it was painful for my heart, I hid behind it, emotionally, it was so intense. You know, there was a lot of changes, that I absolutely have had to make, and coming to recognize
that my system is sensitive, and that there are things that
I have to take into account in what I eat, caffeine, no, and just really some
health, nutritional choices, but then one of the biggest things, has been about communication. Not only my communication
to the world on a big scale, like being a public speaker, but I mean, communication
with your intimate partner, communication with friends, communication with people you work with, I held back a lot of communication. And when I finally
started to see and notice that I was doing that
and why I was doing that, making breakthroughs around that to be open in my communication, which is something I
still have to work on. – Of course. – Then my life got so much healthier, happier, more peaceful, less stressful, and my skin just, I mean, my skin changed so much. – Was it sort of like
a miraculous clearing, would you say? Or was it something that took time. – Oh it definitely, I think
is something that took time, but was very noticeable. Right? It definitely took time, you know, I mean, I don’t know, I think that, and then,
it also became where, if my skin would break
out, then I would know either A, there’s something
that I’ve been ingesting, right, that isn’t right for my system, and B, is there something
that I’m not expressing? – Yeah. – And that’s been,
that’s been really huge. – This is so, so crucial, because, the one piece that also goes into this, is what are we genetically predisposed to in terms of our health and I’m glad you brought up nutrition because it’s very important and it’s what I actually studied in
university before doing all this other stuff that I do, but I started to realize in
doing the nutrition work, that I would need a
psychology degree to actually do really good nutritional counseling because there’s so many,
right, there’s so many other factors around
how we choose our foods, the foods that we don’t
allow ourselves to eat, etcetera, so the reason,
the piece I wanna mention to those watching is that, KC talks about having
acne with not speaking up but it could be your
digestion that goes off, it could be a migraine headache, it could be arthritis, you know, holding water
and feeling very thick and heavy and almost edema like. it can be anything when we’re
holding in these sensations. Depending on our genetic
predispositions, right? – I mean, recently, one of the ways for me that it’s been showing up, has been having trouble getting, like falling back to sleep. And it’s a big deal for
me right now because I actually have a baby and I’m nursing, and I’m nursing in the night, but not being able to fall back to sleep at three in the morning after you nurse, that is no bueno, it is not good. You know what’s going through, it’s a matter of becoming present, too, is to notice they’re all um, what we call like open loop communication. The communications that
have not been closed. – Uh huh. – Open looped. – Explain that a little bit. – So open looped communications are, so for instance, there
was something, you know, one of them could be um, simple little things, okay, like, someone gifted me an exercise Skype class, alright with one of their
trainers that they do online, which was amazing, considering I’m scheduling, and I realized I hadn’t responded
in a couple of days to her to let her know what time would work, and so I’m at three AM, thinking, God, I’ve gotta respond to her, I’m feeling bad about it. – I see. – Something like that. It could also be something
that’s much bigger. Something about, like
for instance, right now, in my company we have a
program that we are launching and we are about to enter
into enrollment for, and there are many, many
pieces that go into play in preparing for something like this. And there were a couple
of things that I realized that I know I’m, a couple
of choices that I wasn’t totally on board with and I
wanted to be in communication with my team about this, but I noticed I felt kind of bad, because I didn’t want to
hurt someone’s feeling and I didn’t, I wasn’t
totally jiving with that idea, so I was holding back on it, so here I am, not communicating that, but at three AM, it’s going on. – It’s there. – So, these kinds of things, I think that’s where they
can start to show up, like, they just, like
running around our psyche, but then they can start to show up, like, my body, was
really tense those days, when I wasn’t getting enough sleep. – Yeah. – And left too long,
without addressing it, that can turn into chronic
stuff in our systems. – Yeah, exactly. I know it too well, I see it all the time, all the time. One of the areas, that
interestingly enough, that gets tight and tense
when people aren’t speaking and expressing themselves
is their jaw, right? The jaw, the TMJ, the neck muscles, even tension around the skull, because all of this expression
involves a very deep part of our nervous system
which we talked about in the past in creating my talk, but it’s that parasympathetic
nervous system, the one that’s very
mammalian that allows us to express and to sing and to um, communicate with other mammals. And when we shut that communication off, it’s like we’re putting a
brick wall around our head, around this whole area
and even around our heart, and it strains us, right? It really strains us so, yeah. – It’s true. – I think, too, what you said, you know, it was something in
your team that you were, you didn’t want to hurt
someone’s feelings, even though you’re the
technical boss, right, right? There’s still, because we don’t,
we want to socially engage and make everything well, we
don’t want to rock the boat, but it’s an interesting fine line in being able to assert ourselves and still be part of the tribe. – That’s right. – Right? – This I believe, I love your
great new saying this, because I’ve definitely seen this in myself, I see it with a lot of
women who come my way, there’s such fear about expressing what’s true for us, whether it be like this
grander scale communication about your work in the world or whether it’s with someone you’re dating, or your mother or your child, or your friend that we so, there’s such a predominate
fear of either losing love or not having approval, that we will hold back on our truth because of that fear, and what ends up happening are two things, number one, it actually ends up, like having a much greater chance of, of killing the flow of
love in the relationship. The number one intimacy killer
is withheld communication. Any form, and the opposite
of what our mind believes is actually most likely the truth which is more authentic open communication, creates more connection or love. – Yes, more vulnerability. – Exactly, so that’s on the
relationship side of things, and the emotional side, but then there’s also the physical side, which is that, whenever you
have this spark of energy inside of you, inspiration or, the feeling that something isn’t right, something is off, those are, those are things to be, to really listen to, when
we don’t listen to them and we either stamp them down or we hide them or we just numb out or we get really busy on top of them, then what ends up happening is, is that that energy of either inspiration or something is off, is still in our system but
it’s not being expressed in a healthy way, externally, or processed in a healthy way internally, and so it expresses it, our body will express it for us. And not the way we want to. – Exactly, because your acne, and I too have had skin
problems in the past so I understand that as a way of it trying to release ’cause we’re
not voluntarily releasing it so the body just says,
we’re gonna do it for you. – That’s right. And it’s really a friendly thing, it’s trying to express it the
only way that it knows how, but it’s not the healthiest choice. – No, no. So, I’m really starting
to realize as we chat a little bit more how
similar our work actually is. It’s just a different
medium that we’re choosing, with how we work with people. In terms of, you know, having people speak and be comfortable speaking
and feeling the energies ’cause I’m sure when you work with people there are a few breakdowns that happen in terms of getting up on that stage and feeling all the energy
that’s coming through their systems through your client systems and how to funnel that in a way that’s healthy and not scary and not crippling. – Yes. – So, I’m curious, what would be if there’s somebody
watching this right now, there’s two scenarios I’m thinking of. One is, I’m gonna talk
about relationships, so I know that both of you and I, we’re in good, healthy
relationships with our men and we can speak clearly, what if there’s someone watching who knows that they are
not in a good relationship? Or they’re not sure if it’s the
right relationship for them? Because relationship is key and I say it, I want to bring this up
because people come and work with me privately in my office, I don’t do couple’s therapy, and they’ll go home and if the environment is toxic and
not allowing them to express the work that we’ve done, it sticks, but it’s like eh, it doesn’t,
it can’t fully do its job, you see what I’m saying? So (stammering) what advice would you give a woman or a man who might be watching us, like, how do you address this? I know it’s a big question. – Well, let me back up
for a minute and just say, like, first of all I just wanna say, I feel very grateful I’m in a relationship right now where my partner
and I both are very committed to learning how to
communicate in different ways and it is — – It’s not easy. – Not easy, not easy. And learning to do it makes things easier. However, I have had my fair
share of being in a relationship with extraordinary
communication challenges, gone through eras of it
in my current, with David, and the thing that almost
always, we come back to, is one of the key places
where there is struggle in a relationship and let’s say like, you’re in a relationship and you feel like there’s a lot of struggle there and maybe you want to get out of it, maybe you’re feeling like,
resentful of your partner, in some way, that the first place I would have you look before looking at the
big question of like, is this the right relationship for me, is to ask a couple of things. Are you, are you in tune
with what is true for you and what you need? And what you desire. And are you communicating
about it in a healthy way? Are you right with your own truth. Your own needs and your own (inaudible). Are you allowing that
to be free within you in a healthy way. That’s even paramount before you bring the other person in. – Right. – And then are you communicating about it? Creating an invitation for those
things with another person. And then how do you handle
it when you get a no. – Right? – ‘Cause you may have some
needs that you do need and you get a no from your partner, and then all of a sudden,
I think it’s like, it’s very usual for us to think of, wow, if I’m getting a no from
my partner I gotta go. You know, the other
questions you can ask are what kind of situations
need to be put in place in order for that to be
a yes for your partner? Is your partner the only person who can fulfill that for you? Like, I gotta tell you like, I’m really into body work, I like having my feet rubbed, and I, I ask David all the time for foot massages and sometimes it’s a no, and it’s crushing. It’s so sad because it’s a no. I am, just so sad, but that is his no. Right, and my need is still a beautiful need, like — – You need to go elsewhere. – Maybe I need to be going
elsewhere for my foot rubs, that often you know, so he can come with giving me a foot rub with more pleasure instead of feeling like it’s all the time, like an
obligation or something for me. So, it’s, that’s a, the big question is before you look at, like is this the right or wrong relationship, which we easily go to is like, where are you in a relationship with communicating around your mate, and are you an open space for
your partner to communicate their needs? – You just read my mind. Because it could be that the partner, your partner is actually
desperately needing to say something and they don’t even know they’re needng to say it. So that energy that’s being
blocked in their system is actually causing a riff in the connection in general between the two people
or the family system if there’s children involved, you know, why is little Johnny
having trouble at school? I know this is true because
I’ve seen it in clients ’cause Mom and Dad are silently pissed off at each other and
they’re not saying anything and that little one is caught
in the line of energy fire. – So that, this is the thing, it is that relationship though, This is, I mean — – All talking is relationship. – All talking is relationship but, but the, so much of what happens if you’ve got, like physical ailment stuff that’s going on, health challenges, one of the biggest places to look about, you know, ’cause we’re
so used to looking for maybe I need this drug,
maybe I need this therapy, maybe I need these supplements, maybe I need this, whatever, and all the things there
could be extremely important and valid, I’m not saying no, they have been huge for me, but the other thing to really
look at are relationships. You know, are your relationships healthy and when we say that,
it’s really, it’s like is there a free flow of
communication within yourself and with the other? And in receiving about your needs. And what you want. – I love it, I’m gonna
finish off this is a bit of I’m a science geek, I’m a
science girl as you know, it’s reminding me of
a very important study that was done quite a while ago. I’m gonna finish with this, and it’s written about one
of Malcom Gladwell’s books actually, the author of The Tipping Point, and Blank, and Outliers, it was in Outliers and they
studied a group of people on the east coast of the United States, they were from Italy and they
were from a town in Italy called Rosetta, and so this
town was now called Rosetta, I think it was in Maine, and, they couldn’t figure out why this group, cohort of Italians,
were not dying of normal westernized diseases, like heart disease, and cancer and nobody was alcoholic, nobody, you know, was
addicted to anything, because the little town down the road who weren’t from Italy, they had the same health practices, they drank, they smoked,
they didn’t eat well, they didn’t exercise, so they did the same things. So there’s the Rosetta
people, the Italians, and the town down the road, and the difference was that
those in the Italian community even though, like I said,
they think horribly, they drink, they smoke lots of lard, no exercise, they lose
their relationships, they ate their lard filled dinners, and fried foods with friends, right, they drank their wine with community, not alone watching television, so there was, they went to church, they talked, they sang, they
played with their children, they lived in households with Grandma and Grandpa and cousins, that was the only difference, and it’s been shown before, in the Mediterranean diets, it’s not the diet, it’s not
all those nutraceuticals, it’s the community and the
talking and the grieving and crying and the laughing and so, it’s just, it’s beautiful that
you mention the relationships because I always come back to that study, and it’s the truth, it’s epidemiology, so they’re looking back at
what has happened, right? – Wow, that is so, it’s so true. – So, thank you so much, KC, for taking your time out of being a mama and your busy schedule to chat
for about 30 minutes with me, and provide those who are
watching some little insight into speaking up. – Absolutely, thank you
so much for inviting me. – You’re welcome. – Yeah, I love what you’re doing, I think this is a huge piece. I’m not often invited
to speak about this part of my experience, it’s a massively important one, so thank you. – More to come, maybe. – Yep. – Okay, thank you so much, chow. – Thank you everyone. – Bye. (happy music)

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