Getting Benched as a Cheerleader (ft. Rosebud Baker) – High School Fails

– I showed up for practice one day, I don’t wanna be there, somebody finally told me, “You don’t have the school spirit “to last on this squad.” (upbeat music) I’m Rosebud Baker, and this is the story of how I got benched as a cheerleader. So it’s freshman year, everybody’s got flip phones, everybody’s […]

How to Give a Hate-Filled Blow Job – Sex Fails (feat. Rosebud Baker)

I’m Rosebud Baker and this is the story of how I learned to give the perfect hate blowjob. I grew up reading Cosmo articles. I don’t know who writes these articles. But they write about giving blowjobs like they’re locked in a basement and they got suck their way out. How to blow his [bleep] […]

Patton Oswalt – Tragedy Plus Comedy Equals Time – Supermarket Depression

THE LAST TIME IT GOT ME WAS PRETTY CLEVER. I’LL GIVE IT CREDIT. IT WAS A TUESDAY, LIKE 11:00 IN THE MORNING. AND I WENT TO A GROCERY STORE NEAR MY HOUSE. SO, JUST GET THAT VISUAL IN YOUR HEAD. IT’S A GROCERY STORE, 11:00 A.M. ON A WEEKDAY — LIKE SIX OTHER PEOPLE IN […]

Dane Cook – Working at Burger King

FIRST JOB I HAD. BURGER KING. [woman laughs] [mocks laugh] [laughter] I’LL COME UP THERE, MA’AM. MY BROTHER GOT ME THE JOB TOO. MY BROTHER GOT ME THE JOB. MM-HMM. HE WAS THE MANAGER, AND HE GOT ME THE JOB. YOU THINK THAT WOULD BE COOL, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE HE’S MY BRO, BUT HE WAS […]

Key & Peele – Gideon’s Kitchen

– DREW, COME FORWARD. – YES, CHEF. THIS IS A CHICKEN QUICHE WITH CREMINI MUSHROOMS, BABY SPINACH, AND FETA CHEESE. – UNBELIEVABLE. WELL, DREW, I HAVE A HUGE PROBLEM WITH THIS DISH. [dramatic thud] IT’S THAT YOU HAVEN’T MADE IT FOR ME SOONER. [upbeat music] – THANK YOU, CHEF. – BECAUSE IF YOU HAD, DREW, […]

Drunk History – James Cook Returns to Hawaii

AND GOES, LIKE, HEY, EVERYBODY. I’M BACK. AND THEY’RE LIKE, OH, YOU’RE–WHY ARE YOU BACK? COOK IS JUST LIKE, NOW AS YOUR GOD, I DEMAND YOU TO FIX MY BOAT. MY BOAT GOT BROKE. NOW YOU GOT TO FIX MY BOAT. FIX MY BROKE BOAT. AND SO EVERYBODY IN HAWAII IS JUST LIKE, NO, BRAH. […]

Key & Peele – Soul Food

– IT’S SO RICH IN HISTORY. – I GREW UP IN A NEIGHBORHOOD LIKE THIS. – OH, YEAH, I GREW UP IN A NEIGHBORHOOD EXACTLY LIKE THIS. – ALL RIGHT, WELCOME TO MAMA SUGARBACK’S. Y’ALL READY TO ORDER? – YEAH. CAN I HAVE A CHICKEN FRIED STEAK WITH GRAVY AND A COLA? – OKAY. – […]

Drunk History – James Cook Returns to Hawaii

AND GOES, LIKE,HEY, EVERYBODY. I'M BACK. AND THEY'RE LIKE,OH, YOU'RE–WHY ARE YOU BACK? COOK IS JUST LIKE,NOW AS YOUR GOD, I DEMAND YOU TO FIX MY BOAT. MY BOAT GOT BROKE. NOW YOU GOT TO FIX MY BOAT.FIX MY BROKE BOAT. AND SO EVERYBODY IN HAWAIIIS JUST LIKE, NO, BRAH. NOT EVEN. – LET'S DO […]

Dane Cook – Working at Burger King

Key & Peele – Gideon's Kitchen