Kefir bread and condensed milk – Low budget cooking

Kefir bread and condensed milk – Low budget cooking


Well, since YouTube decided to cut my revenue 4 times compared to what it used to be, it is time to switch over to end of month, right now. Step One: Wake Anatoli. Hey!
[Anatoli grunts] Wake up, it’s end of month!
[Anatoli: Blyat!] [Cheeki breeki hardbass] Is… BORIS!
[intro music] Today, we’re making something very special. Something very tasty, and of course, something horribly cheap. But before we get to that, it is always good idea to have a toast, to the good life, and the good days that are waiting ahead, because living, you see, is not very expensive. As long as you know how to enjoy yourself, and as long as you keep your friends close, you will have a good time. *Truly astounding transition* So, since we running on a very limited Slavic budget, and the financial outlook, for the near future, is a bit of a пиздец (pizdec), Then we are using are using components, and tools, that you commonly find in your home… *power drill which is common in households* …to make some bread. You start off with flour. *Laughter and power drill* *Just power drill* For this recipe, we use about 3 cups of regular, average quality, normal flour, because, come on, who has money for the premium stuff? *Power Drill* *Power Drill* Okay, try to keep most of it in bowl, okay? *Power Drill* No, not with hand, Урод (Urod)! *Power Drill fails* Ну, Блять (Nu, blyat)! Add one small teaspoon of salt. Not because of flavor, but, because mama said so. Add about three, generous, big spoonfuls of honey. *Power Drill* *Power drill and whacking of spoon* And two large cups of Кефир (Kefir), or fermented milk. This will give the bread a very good, Slavic taste. But not just that, Many times, Кефир (Kefir) is also cheaper than milk, and cheaper is better. Start mixing together the horrible mess that you have made. If the mix is too liquid, add some flour. If the mix is too solid, remove some flour instead. But if it ends up looking like a mountain of liquid bread, Then you are doing it right! I mean, if you want to live healthy, then sure, you can eat your grapefruits and blenders. But on low budget, you want to bulk up. Become strong Slav. And for this reason my friends, Today we are not making just one, but TWO foods, so high in carbohydrates that if you eat this combination, you go to bed as a skinny man, but you wake up strong enough to wrestle a bear, right in middle of reactor № 4. Now remove this semi-liquid beast from its cage! Grab hold of a bowl and moisten it with your favorite lubrication. *wink wink* Use sunflower seed oil for best Slavic effect. Add your dough into the bowl. Clean up the mess that you have made. Or don’t. Place your dough in warm place for the night. Hopefully, not under the dirty sink in your bathroom. *Boris Humming* *bowl on counter* *cover is gone!* Once your cousin has gone out to look for job, continue making this budget snack. Hopefully the dough has been in a warm enough place so that it has risen just a bit and ideally, doubled in size. But mine did not, because I live in the fucking refrigerator. Show your bread some love. Give it a nice massage. Heat your oven to the desired temperature. I suggest you use about 180°C, or 450°K if you like or 350°F if you do not like the Metric System. While your oven is heating up, start making the other part of this recipe. For this, you need sugar and some milk from actual cow. You can try using fermented milk, but in this case I do not take responsibility for the fire that will destroy your house. Use a scale to measure some sugar. If you do not have one, then just guess. And yes, we are making our very own condensed milk. I mean, I do realise that you have to be in complete financial ruin to not be able to buy condensed milk from shop. Or maybe they just do not sell it where you live. Either way, here is recipe how to do it yourself. Add 150g of sugar. *sugar enters* *ding ding* Add 400mL of milk. *milk pouring* *tapping milk jug* No need to even mix it. Just give it some heat. Once it starts slowly warming up, you can start sensually stirring the sugar into the milk. But do remember to set it to medium heat. Not very high, or else you will end up with a brown sludge that you can only use to throw in Vadim’s window. Making your own condensed milk takes about 40 to 50 minutes. And this leaves you with enough time to take care of your soon to be golden piece of Slavic cooking history. Leave your creation in the oven for about 45 minutes. Go back to sensually stirring your white cream. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Give it time to cook very slowly. This way, I guarantee you get the best taste. Next step is to mark your container, because unless you want your mama to start wondering “Why you have some white stuff in the fridge–?” *changing the channel* As I was saying, mark it so that you know what is inside, and so that other people do not get too curious. Ahah, smart! But while you are labelling your product, do pay attention to the progress in the pot. If you are seeing small bubbles coming up, this means temperature is good. If there is no bubbles, this means you have forgotten to turn the stove on, or if the milk is boiling over, it is time to evacuate. From time to time, whip out your Pelmeninator and skim the foam that is on top. Now, this foam is very tasty. You can eat it if you want, but I still suggest you remove it if you are planning to refrigerate your final product. Once 45 minutes has passed, whip open your oven and let the whole world smell your Slavic creation. Invite friends over. Invite family over. Call your ex-girlfriend and say you have moved on. Because my friend, YOU have just created an actual loaf of bread. Just imagine the possibilities! Butter! Butter! Cheese! Butter! Cheese! Caviar! Butter! Cheese! Caviar! Doctor’s sausage! All the varieties of butterbrod that you can ever think of. You can now make them all without ever worrying about running out of bread again. Flip your bread out of its warm bed. Normally it’s a good idea to let it rest for about 10 minutes. But seeing as I do not have that much time, I just cut it open right away. *sensual cutting noises* Now that is some very thicc Кефир (Kefir) bread right there. Normally you would see a lot more bubbles inside. But that mostly comes when your apartment is actually warm and your dough decides to grow in size. But if not, even better. Some thick milk, some thick bread. You will be heavyweight world champion in no time. Or just throw it back in the oven for an even better taste. About 5-10 minutes later, cover it up with a blanket and read it a nice bedtime story about the three Kakadus that did not want to eat their porridge. Go back to check on your milk. Usually it takes about 45-50 minutes to slowly boil this mix into the sticky goodness that we all know and love. But let’s say you are in a very big hurry. Let’s say you are almost fainting from the hunger. Then yes, I say you can pour out the condensed milk when it is still in the more liquid form. Because as long as you have boiled it so long, that it has reduced its volume by half, then it is ready for eating, and has the correct taste. Remember to let it cool before sealing the jar. And of course, add on top the Gopnik seal of approval. *this transition is Gopnik-approved* *bread reveal!* If you are lucky, and you time your cooking very precisely, then you will end up with something magical. Something so indescribably beautiful, that it will bring not one, but even two tears into your eye. Fresh warm bread. And warm homemade condensed milk. It just makes you feel five years old again, waiting for babushka’s oven to open, and to bring with it the smells of some of the best desserts you have ever had. It is absolutely beautiful. Grab some kompot on the side, and enjoy, because now, you have gotten a few steps closer to your next payday without actually spending much money at all. Well, thank you friends for watching. This has been a simple, very simple tutorial on how to make a basic Slavic dessert, and as I said in the beginning of video, there have been some very heavy cuts in the YouTube revenue system, which does mean that my already low YouTube income was cut down to one quarter of what it used to be. Which does mean a bit of a slowdown in the travel department, but as long as people are showing their support on Patreon, everything should be moving forward very fine. And talking about moving forward, I have finally opened P.O box. This means you can send your fan mail, and your packages of foreign majonez to me, and I will make a video of opening all those boxes. And yes, reading all the mail. Some packages have actually already arrived, which is great news. I will make a video about it, hopefully in beginning of next week But until then, I do have some more videos planned. Maybe if you have seen on Instagram or Twitter, I was in Finland couple of days ago, a lot of good fun, and of course, a video coming soon. I will try to make that as well this week, along with other video that I spent half of last week filming. It is called ‘The Gopnik Workout Program”. You have been waiting for it, and now it is here. How to lose weight like gopnik, in no time! And of course, with guest appearance from Anatoli again. So you might be asking, “Boris!” “Is Anatoli living with you now?” And I say yes, no, maybe. He is looking for new place, he is just crashing on couch for now. Also the last thing that I wanted to mention, The new merchandise shop has been opened, new stuff has arrived and blin, it is good. Slavic playing card designs are now open for all. I will be sure to make a video about them as well. But for now my friends, I say thank you for watching. It has been a busy week, and a busy week is waiting ahead. Many videos coming, so stay alert, and stay cheeki breeki. I will see you next time.

100 thoughts on “Kefir bread and condensed milk – Low budget cooking

Leave a Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *