Food Battle 2010

Food Battle 2010


(Ian) Mmmm, oh, yeah! That’s good. That’s very good rock. SHUT UP! (Ian) Hey, Anthony. (Imitates Anthony) Hey, Ian. You wanna see me try to use my taquitos as a pool floatie? -Sure!
-Okay.(Imitates Splash) Oh, no! I’m drowning because I’m so stupid and taquitos suck! -You sure do.
-And I’m dead! (Suspenseful Sound) Oh, hey, Anthony. Wait, I just came back from the dead, and you’re not even suprised. (Ian) Not really, it’s kinda become a yearly occurence. What’d you want? (Anthony) I wanna rematch! And with the help of my new favourite food, the RED HOT CHILLI PEPPER…. WE’RE GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS! IAN: If you think your RED HOT CHILLI PECKER can do more everyday tasks than MY PINK FROSTED SPRINKLED DOUGHNUT…. (Ian breathes heavily) THEN YOU’RE GOING DOWN, DICKBISCUIT!!! (Ian aggressively eats doughnut) (Food battle heavy metal music plays)…. (Anthony): How bout this helmet? Ian: Alright doughnut, give me good head protection! HAAAUUUGGGHH- DOH!! (buzzer) (Anthony): Weeeeeeee!! AHHHHHH!! (buzzer) Ian: Let’s see your stupid PEPPER, be a BULLETPROOF VEST! Anthony (in a hopeful way): Please save my life chilli pepper…. (gunshot) It worked! (ding) Shooter: What’s that? Oh! Dang it! Alright doughnut… I know you could… (gunshot) (buzzer) My Chilli Pepper is totally going to kick your STUPID DOUGHNUT’S ASS when it’s a…. Anthony: Get OFF! WHEN IT’S A NIGHTSTICK!! Anthony (enthusiastically): C’mon, chilli pepper, lets beat the crap out of some people…. But NOT LITERALLY THOUGH, CUZ THAT’S FREAKING GROSS! AAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH (ding) Ian (enthusiastically): Let’s kick some gluteus maximus, doughnut! Uh…. I don’t really know what that means… BUT LET’S KICK SOME BUTT! (evil laugh) HERE WE GO! Ian (worried): No, no, no, NO! Villain: IT WORKED! (ding) Ian: Let’s do… (Ian rips page) Ian: OH CRAP!!! Oh, poison! Anthony: He, he, he, now I’m gonna poison Ian’s mom!! Anthony: I have a delicious treat for you! Ian’s mom (gracefully): THANKS! Ian’s mom: MMMMMM! (buzzer) Ian (excitedly): Here YOU GO, MOM! (Ian’s mom coughs) Ian: DIE, MOM!!! hehehehe!!! Just a sprinkle… Ian (angrily): BUT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DIE!! (buzzer) (Ian cries) Ian’s mom (sympathetically): Oh, honey, you can try to kill me again later! Anthony: How ’bout we do…. Sarah Jessica Parker! Ian: Uh, she’s GROSS! Anthony: Kinda like your MOM! Ian’s mom: You know I’m standing right here? Right? HOW ABOUT THIS FLAMETHROWER? Anthony (enthusiastically): C’mon’ chili pepper… Let’s DO THIS! (Anthony cries) EEEWWW, CHILI PEPPER GUTS! (buzzer) C’mon doughnut, I know you can… (Fire blows out) (buzzer) Anthony: How about we do this…what’s with the wig? Ian: Okay, I burned off all of my hair in the fire…so don’t judge me! Anthony: (laughs) Alright, let’s just do this teleportation device! Ian: Okay! Ian: Heh, Anthony doesn’t know it, but when you put a hairdryer in water, it creates an electromagnetic field that amplifies teleportation power. And I know it’s true because I read it in a YouTube comment. Let’s teleport! *Urrrgggghhhhh* Dang it (buzzer) Anthony: C’mon, chili pepper, please teleport me next to a hot girl AND NOT SOMEWHERE CRAPPY LIKE A MINEFIELD OR SOMETHING Anthony: Whoaaaa Is this heaven? *moans* Hot girl: No, it’s a minefield *explosion* (buzzer) Ian: (sing songy) You were paralyzed in an explosion! Ha ha ha Anthony: Shut up! Anthony: Shut up, let’s just do these contact lenses Ian: Okay, cripple!! Heh, heh! (Anthony kicks Ian under table) Ian: OWWWW MY LABIA! Ian: Here we go! Ian: Oooh, what am I gonna touch? Ian: (gasps) Oh my god! Oh my god! I’m touching melons! I’m touching the biggest melons in the world! (buzzer) Anthony: (grunts) Alright, chili pepper (pants) See me through this win! (ominous music) Ian: Sorry, Anthony, but I can’t let you win Food Battle! Anthony: Uhh, what are you doing? Ian: Die! HAHAHA Anthony: AHHHHH (slow motion) AHHHHHH Ian: (wipes hands) I always knew your weakness was water! And dying! Reporter: Ian! Ian! You’ve just won Food Battle 2010! Ian: No, no! (electricity zapping) Ian: I thought you died Anthony: When I drowned in Food Battle 2006, I learned how to survive underwater BY HOLDING MY BREATH! HEHEHEHE Ian: I thought your legs didn’t work Anthony: I fibbed Ian: You lied?! But you’re my best friend! Anthony: You just tried to murder me…wait, I thought you were dying a second ago Ian: Oh yeah! Hrrmph! Bob Barker! Reporter: Anthony! Anthony! You’ve just won Food Battle 2010! What are you gonna do now? Anthony: (excitedly) I’m gonna go home and play with pogs! You wanna come? Reporter: NO! Ian voicing as Barney: Hey there, kids! It’s Barney! To see the Food Battle 2010 bloopers, and a deleted battle, go to Smosh.com! And get this nifty Food Battle shirt! So, basically, if you don’t go to Smosh.com right now, I’ll chop your (bleep) balls off! Hahaha! Thanks for subscribing! I love you!

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