Everything Is Stupid – America Has a Problem with Food | The Daily Show

Everything Is Stupid – America Has a Problem with Food | The Daily Show


There are some news stories that help us understand
the world we live in, and there are some news stories
that are just stupid. For those,
we turn to Ronny Chieng. -♪ ♪
-(cheering and applause) Thank you! America has a problem with food. You guys want your food
to be cheap and fast but also to be fresh
and healthy. That’s too many things, okay? You can’t have both. It’s like racial diversity
at a ski lodge. It doesn’t exist. And when Americans don’t get
everything they expect from their food, you end up with
dumb lawsuits, like this one. REPORTER:
The Reading Eagle reports on a $5 million
class action lawsuit that accuses Godiva
of misleading consumers. The suit says Godiva’s packaging
reads “Belgium 1926,” implying the chocolate
is made there, when it’s actually made
in Reading, Pennsylvania. Godiva says the Belgian brand
is proud of its roots and the company’s logo
reflects the spirit. Come on, guys. You’re telling me
that Americans care that their chocolate isn’t
from Belgium? I’ll give you the money myself
if you can show me where Belgium is on the map. But, also, Godiva, why are you tricking people about where your chocolate
is from? Nobody cares. You could say that it was made
in Bernie Sanders’ shoe and people would still eat it. ‘Kay?
People love chocolate so much that Willy Wonka killed kids
and we didn’t even care, because he made chocolate. Americans are so entitled. Not only does their cheap food
have to be exotic, they also want it to be organic,
like this lady. REPORTER: A Bronx woman is suing
TGI Fridays for $5 million, claiming the restaurant’s
potato skin snacks aren’t actually made
of potatoes. The potato skin snacks
come in bags. They’re sold in stores
and vending machines across the country. The woman
says she bought the snack at a Bronx bodega but says she
wouldn’t have made the purchase if she knew the product
didn’t contain real potatoes. She claims
the food is misbranded and not as healthy as the restaurant’s
popular appetizer. Okay, so I get where this lady
is coming from. I would also be pissed, because you can’t sell a snack
called potato skins if it doesn’t have any potatoes
in it, ‘kay? Imagine if you got tickets
to a Beyoncé concert and, when you got there,
I came out. -(laughter)
-(man whoops) You would be furious. Why? Because you’re not ready
for the jelly. (grunts) But, still, how is this lady suing
for $5 million? Like, how much did she spend
on these potato skins, four dollars? Okay, well, then
she gets the four dollars back. Okay? In fact, you know what,
here-here’s a ten. Okay, go buy yourself
30 seconds of therapy. I mean, honestly, who is expecting food
from TGI Fridays? They give you two appetizers,
two entrees, and two desserts
all for 20 bucks. That’s not a meal.
That’s a yard sale, okay? Again, we don’t need a lawsuit. Just give the lady
her money back, and, TGI Fridays, you can still call
them potato skins– you just have to put
a question mark at the end. Yeah. That way, you’re not just selling
a snack– you’re selling a mystery. Seriously, America, you can’t
keep suing everything, okay? Just accept the fact
that everyone is lying to you. Companies are lying to you,
the government is lying to you, your wife is cheating on you,
with me. Nothing is real, okay? You can’t even trust water. A judge has given new life
to a class action lawsuit accusing Poland Spring
of selling water that’s sourced from wells
and not springs. He ruled last week
that an amended complaint can proceed,
with claims in eight states. Poland Spring’s
corporate parent, Connecticut-based
Nestlé Waters North America, reiterated Tuesday
that it’s a meritless lawsuit and said the judge’s decision doesn’t undermine
its confidence. That’s right– a woman is mad that Poland Spring water
doesn’t come from a spring. It comes from a well. Yeah, I just told the people
in Flint, Michigan about this story, and they said
to go (bleep) yourself. -(laughter)
-Seriously. (cheers and applause) Who actually thinks Poland Spring water comes
from a spring in Poland? Do you also think
your Smartwater went to MIT? (laughter) It’s all marketing. Although, to be fair, CVS water
does come from CVS, okay? It’s locally sourced from
the CVS break room toilet. Look, I think America would have
fewer lawsuits if people were more skeptical of what they put in their bodies
in the first place. If you ask me, this is a scheme
people are using to try and get rich, which is
why I’m also joining in. Trevor, I am suing you. Consider yourself served. Wait. What? Why? Because the food you left in
the fridge today wasn’t organic, and I almost didn’t finish it. Wait. What do you mean,
“the food”? That was my food. You ate my lunch, Ronny.
That was my lunch! Trevor, Trevor,
we’ll let the courts decide. Ronny Chieng, everybody.

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