Dane Cook – Working at Burger King

Dane Cook – Working at Burger King


FIRST JOB I HAD. BURGER KING. [woman laughs] [mocks laugh] [laughter] I’LL COME UP THERE, MA’AM. MY BROTHER GOT ME THE JOB TOO. MY BROTHER GOT ME THE JOB. MM-HMM. HE WAS THE MANAGER,
AND HE GOT ME THE JOB. YOU THINK THAT WOULD BE COOL,
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE HE’S MY BRO, BUT HE WAS A [bleep]. [laughter] HE THOUGHT HE WAS
THE BURGER KING. YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING? HE WOULD PUT ME ON DRIVE-THRU
EVERY NIGHT. WHY DO PEOPLE INSIST ON YELLING
AT THE DRIVE-THRU? YOU KNOW,
IT’S MODERN TECHNOLOGY. I’D BE THERE
WITH MY LITTLE HEADSET. “HI, WELCOME TO BURGER KING.
MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?” [shouts]
“WHOPPER.” [laughter] “SIR–” [shouts]
“WHOPPER, NO ONION.
LARGE FRY.” [laughter] “EXCUSE ME, CHEWBACCA? “I’M BLEEDING
FROM THE EARS HERE, PACINO. “LET’S CALM DOWN. “ALL RIGHT. “WE’RE DEALING WITH FOOD,
NOT MISSILES HERE, GOVERNOR. NOW, DRIVE AROUND!” [laughter] I WOULD RATHER
HAVE HAD PEOPLE YELL. IT WAS WHEN PEOPLE
DIDN’T TALK LOUD ENOUGH. THAT DROVE ME CRAZY. YOU KNOW,
TEN CARS OUT THERE. I’D BE LIKE, “HI, MA’AM,
MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?” [muffled, squeaky voice] “MA’AM, HELLO,
CAN I HELP YOU?” “I’LL HAVE THE PICKLES
AND THE SHAKES, “THE SHAKE AND PICKLES, “THE LARGE SHAKES
AND THE PICKLES AND THE PICKLES
AND THE PICKLES.” “ALL RIGHT, MA’AM. “APPARENTLY, YOU WANT
SOME PICKLES.

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